In the immortal words of Silent Night, Deadly Night 2’s Eric Freeman: “Garbage day!”
I’m not surprised that garbage disposal shows up in a horror film, even if it’s not really connected to the plot in any significant way, but I am surprised that there’s never been a Japanese horror movie based around the concept. Well, not that I’ve heard of, anyway. The point I’m clumsily trying to make here is that getting rid of garbage in Japan is a terror-inducing nightmare.
Actually, I take that back. It’s incredibly simple. All you have to do is follow your city’s clearly outlined chart that indicates how to sort your garbage:
What’s that? You’re confused about the thirteen separate garbage categories that appear on the chart? Well don’t worry, dummy, all you have to do is consult the easily comprehended monthly garbage schedule!
As you can see, for your convenience, every garbage category has been color-coded to correspond with differently colored garbage bags available at your local supermarket! And it’s perfectly easy not to be confused by the fact that one color sometimes designates several different garbage categories!
So by now I’m sure you understand that white, or “burnable”, garbage is collected on Tuesdays and Fridays, while yellow, or “soft plastic” is collected on Thursdays. Of course, this is not to be mistaken with blue, or “hard plastic”, which is only collected once a month on alternating Wednesdays. And of course neither of these should be confused with plastic bottles, which are their own separate category—don’t forget to remove the labels and caps, though, because those obviously fall into the aforementioned yellow, or “soft plastic” category!
And by now it’s very clear that electrical appliances, PET bottles, metal objects, and glass bottles and cans are all coded “green” despite being completely separate categories and are collected on different days! Why are metal objects and metal cans not collected on the same day, you ask? The answer is simple: shut up!
If you’re so intensely stupid that you haven’t mastered this easy system yet, simply refer to your handy 45-page trash disposal manual provided by your local municipality. It offers simple guidance for all dullards such as yourself.
And if you’re still struggling to understand, here’s a friendly little piece of inspirational advice: if you sort your garbage incorrectly, it might be returned to your doorstep!
Alright, that’s got to be the longest, most sarcastic diatribe I’ve ever indulged in on this blog. Don’t worry, it’s all in good humor, and I guess I should say a few things in defense of this often-baffling system. For one thing, my city has a reputation for being especially strict with garbage collection, so not all towns in Japan function this way. For another, while it does take a while to get used to, it’s pretty logical once you get the hang of it and you generally only need to keep track of about half the categories on the chart. I mean, how often do you really get rid of a bed or a motorcycle?
And finally, the whole reason behind this endeavor is environmental protection. The burnables are separated from the plastics so that the air isn’t polluted by burning Styrofoam. Appliances are separated from other categories so that they can be disposed of safely. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for people to put a little extra work into protecting the planet.
If that doesn’t convince you that it’s not so bad, there’s another angle to this: a lot of people just ignore the chart and put out garbage on whatever day they feel like it. Today is supposed to be a burnable disposal day, but I saw loads of bags containing PET bottles and metal cans in the garbage bins this morning. Some people even ignore the sorting rules and toss everything into the burnable bags. I wonder if the city even expects this, since the white burnable bags also happen to be the only ones that aren’t see-through. And while it’s true that garbage sometimes does get returned to people, I’ve never personally experienced that happening, so I doubt it’s very common.
Well, that’s all I have to say about the garbage situation. Fortunately I don’t have to deal with it that much longer. Soon I’ll be back in Beautiful British Columbia, where we cram everything in the same landfill and hope for the best.
Nihonglish 